Love Shack

Story by Shannon Goss // Photos by Tyler McFarland

That all changed when she met her boyfriend, Matt Johnson. The couple, who met in Seattle, decided to live together in Bellingham three months after they began dating.

"A lot of my things became hers and a lot of her things became mine," Johnson says, while holding Gus in his lap. "And now, all of these things are ours."

Johnson, 25, says his parents had problems accepting his decision to live with a girlfriend before marriage. Cohabitation has become more socially acceptable since Johnson's parents were in college. The amount of people living with a significant other has increased dramatically. Only 500,000 people cohabited in 1970 in the U.S., compared with the 5 million couples living together in 2000, according to the U.S. Bureau of Census.

More than half of 20-to-30-year-olds have lived with a significant other, according to a study by Bowling Green State University, which suggests cohabitation could now be a normal stage of forming a family over the course of a person's life. With cohabitating unions becoming a more common family form, couples are challenged with the economic costs of separating-similar to divorce. For young couples whose sources of income are already low, the possible financial risks of cohabiting can be costly.

A large body of sociological research has also suggested couples that cohabit before marriage have lower levels of marital quality and higher levels of marital instability and divorce, says Western sociology professor Jay Teachman. This means couples who cohabit will wait longer to get married (if they do at all), and are more likely to get divorced than a couple that did not cohabit.

As a psychology major, Stephanie Bailey, 23, says she always heard of studies from her coursework that found cohabitation before marriage to result in higher divorce rates. Bailey, a graduate student at Pacific Lutheran University, and her fiancé, Mitch Thelen, a senior at Eastern Washington University, have been dating for three years. Bailey and Thelen, 23, decided not to live together because they want to feel the difference in their relationship from dating to marriage.

"If I were going to move in with someone, I would want it to be a mutual understanding that it was because we were intending to live with each other for the rest of our lives, with or without the intent of marriage," Bailey says.

The couple met while attending school at Eastern. When Thelen graduates in the spring, the couple plans to purchase their first home in Gig Harbor. They will marry in June 2010.

"I don't necessarily need a ring on my finger to make that commitment, but otherwise without that mutual understanding that we intended to stay together, he would just be like any other roommate," Bailey says. "So what's the point?"

Living with a significant other is completely different than living with a roommate or friend, Scalzo says. When a person lives with their significant other, they do not have their own room to go to if they get upset. Sharing space can also be difficult, but it is also very enjoyable, she says.

"He's my best friend," Scalzo says. "I get to wake up everyday next to my best friend."

Johnson washes dishes as Scalzo looks for a pair of scissors to open a bag of pre-packaged salad. With their busy schedules, the couple often does not get to make dinner together at night. Tonight, Scalzo is making homemade macaroni and cheese. A couple of croutons fall to the ground as she rips open the bag of salad. She gives a crouton to Gus.

Scalzo and Johnson's one-bedroom apartment is covered in picture frames of family, friends and Gus. Their walls are painted cream and a deep burgundy. An Eiffel Tower lamp sits in the corner. In the center of the room is a huge, flat-screen television Johnson recently found on Craigslist.

"In any place I would live, you would never see a 'live, laugh, love' sign on the wall," Johnson says. "Never would you see an Eiffel Tower lamp, or candles on the wall. My biggest change [since living with Scalzo] has been living in a female controlled environment."

Not everything has been easy for Scalzo and Johnson. In the beginning, the couple had trouble keeping the apartment clean. Scalzo jokes about waking up with piles of dirty underwear and socks at the foot of the bed.

Scalzo and Johnson split their expenses equally. The couple puts money into a joint account to share rent, food and various other living expenses. But to play it safe, and be realistic, Johnson says the couple forgoes anything that would make it difficult for them to separate if something went wrong in their relationship-such as car insurance.

With the median age of marriage higher than it has ever been, more couples will cohabit for socioeconomic reasons, Teachman says.

"I would say that love leads you to the person you marry, but you get married for an economic union," Teachman says.

Similar to a couple divorcing, cohabiting couples lose a potential source of income, and experience a decrease in their economic well-being when they separate, according to a study published by the Journal of Marriage and Family in May 2005. The study found women experience a more severe loss of household income by about 33 percent, compared with men's 10 percent loss of household income.

The study also concluded that the loss of a partner's income can be detrimental to a person's economic well-being, even though a couple may have only shared their income through household expenses.

Western senior Krystin MacPherson lived with her boyfriend beginning the summer after her freshman year in college. When her relationship dissolved nine months later, MacPherson had trouble paying her rent while trying to find a new place to live. She had to ask her parents for a loan and work extra hours at her job as a florist.

"In this day and age, living with your significant other is a practical thing to do," MacPherson says. "It's cheaper to do, and more economical."

MacPherson says the only trouble is breaking up. Breaking up is hard enough, but stress takes a whole new level when a person has to separate his or her belongings and disassemble the home they built together with their significant other, she says. It was easier to afford certain things, such as groceries and rent, with the added support of her boyfriend's income.

MacPherson also struggled with finances during the relationship. She occasionally had to take the financial responsibility of paying entire bills if her boyfriend could not pay them.

"Rent was touchy. If he was late for rent, I would worry about his financial situation," MacPherson says. "You have to take a lot of responsibility when you are living with someone. You have to, especially if you cannot rely on your parents for any income."

Partners who have different expectations of shared household responsibilities are 71 percent more likely to separate than those who have similar expectations, according to a study published by the Journal of Marriage and Family in November 2006. The study also found married couples may be more committed to their relationship and thus more likely to work through their misunderstandings and differences.

One difference between cohabitation and marriage is cohabitating couples are less likely to stay together if their interdependence is high, whereas married couples are less likely to stay together if their interdependence is low, Teachman says. Interdependence in a relationship can mean anything the couple relies on from the other, such as emotional or financial support.

Marriages tend to keep a couple together because the couple relies on each other for resources, whereas cohabitating couples with low interdependence are less likely to stay together because they do not need to rely on their spouse for resources.

Scalzo says she and Johnson took on different roles when they started to live together. Scalzo is in charge of cooking and cleaning, while Johnson takes care of the dishes. If one person is low on money for the month, the other will help out more with expenses, Johnson says.

MacPherson says she and her significant other split grocery trips, shared cleaning responsibilities and made most of their meals together. Now, she says she cooks more as a hobby.

"I felt totally domestic, trying to be a good girlfriend and roommate at the same time," MacPherson says.

In a cohabitating relationship, unequal interdependence can lead to separation. If one person pulls more weight than the other, the couple is more likely to separate, Teachman says. Cohabitation can put added responsibilities on relationships. Suddenly, couples are forced to think about their finances as a unit, instead of as a single person, Teachman says.

"Anything that creates inequality in the relationship [of a cohabitating couple] tends to dissolve it," he says.

Inequality in a relationship can stem from economic resources, cultural resources or education, Teachman says. For example, if a cohabiting couple does not share the same expectations for their household chores or contribution to their income, they will likely separate.

Couples who cohabit are different than married couples, Teachman says, because they are more likely to place less value on relationships or marriage as an institution. They are also likely to be changed by cohabitation, because they realize that relationships can be broken and are less likely to negotiate, he says.

MacPherson now lives in a four-bedroom house with three of her close female friends. She says her house is messy compared to what her old apartment looked like. Used teacups and books are scattered about the coffee table. A pair of cowboy boots lay in the middle of the living room floor. Her roommate's stack of papers sits on the couch beside MacPherson.

When MacPherson lived with her boyfriend, the carpet was bright white. The bed was made. The dishes were put away. It was neat, she says. However, because the relationship dynamic between her and her roommates is different, she does not expect her house to be as clean.

Since living together, Johnson and Scalzo say they take into account each other's needs more often. For example, they will call to check in with each other more than they would when not living together.

Scalzo says it is harder to put Johnson first when school and work are hectic. Sometimes you put your partner last because you live together, she says.

MacPherson says she felt her independence was challenged by her commitment to her relationship when she was living with her boyfriend.

"When I was in the relationship, I had to think of both of us," MacPherson says.


"[Now] I don't buy groceries. I don't have to feed anyone. I don't have to call anyone to tell them I'll be home. I don't even have to be home. I don't have to worry."

A study published by the Journal of Marriage and Family in 1981, found that men who cohabit saw fewer problems in their relationships than non-cohabiting men, and cohabiting women had a higher expectation to marry their partner than non-cohabiting women.

MacPherson says she thought living together would be a step towards eventually getting married. Now, she says, she has more realistic expectations of what her next cohabiting relationship will look like.

"I don't take myself as seriously as I used to," MacPherson says. "I'm just enjoying my youth more. I'm not worrying about the future."

Although Scalzo and Johnson have not made set plans of marriage in their future, the couple says cohabiting is just one step towards their future together.